Today I feel a sense of... self-abnegation... I had to look that one up. Its the best description of how I feel though. I've now been home from Brazil for over 34 months. In those 34 months I've done alot. I've traveled from Cabo, to Boise, to Corpus, to Lexington, to Northern Alabama, to New York to Chicago, and basically everywhere in between. I've earned money sufficient to survive, and funded my own education, rent, and vehicle along the way. I've been extremely blessed socially, with so many wonderful people and experiences. I've taken a diverse array of classes, from Norwegian to Basketball Coaching to wannakillmyself-Chem, and found myself self employed in various ideas, as well as the ideas of others.
During this entire time, I've been blessed by He who has more patience than than any, God. How He, my family, friends, or anyone else, has put up with my forgetfulness, rebellion, inconsistency and lack of focus is beyond me... but He has. I'm so grateful for Him.
All the above said, I still feel very unaccomplished. I'm not 3 years worth of credit further into my education, I don't have a million dollars, I don't own residence in any of the places I've visited, and most evident is that I don't have a certain one person to love and dedicate my entire life to, to ensure her comfort above all else.
I've made thousands and thousands of mistakes along the way, and this today, I'd like to think that I've finally come to a realization that I've learned from those mistakes. From those mistakes I'm going to "about-face" from, and run away from with all my energy of heart.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't killed anyone, nor
stolen, nor committed that which is next to murder in seriousness: I still have my virtue. Yet, I am behind where I would like to be at this time in my life. More abundant have been my sins of Omission, rather than sins of
Comission, meaning I just haven't done all I could do. I've been more concerned with my own fairy tale ending than concerned with making other's fairy tale happen. I haven't been zealous enough in applying my study of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, digging deep with the profoundness it deserves. I have studied much, but have I applied it? Have I served? Have I made other's burdens a little lighter? Have I facilitated the way for others to be their best? Have I been an light to all those around me? I hope so, but I don't think I've attained anywhere close to my potential in this regard.
Today, I move forward. My inspiration based from a small slice of Greek
mythology. I found it through a lyric from Trevor Hall (and soon found its also referred to in the New Testament):
---
"The Lime Tree"
I spark a match and watch the candle burn
The wick runs out and love takes its turn
On fallen angels and broken sounds
We will last past the final round
It took a while for you to find me
But I was hiding in the lime tree
Above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out
And parallel to the city streets
Our broken crowns beneath our feet
But as we walk across the diamonds
We know that love is always shining
So save me love save me all the time
I'll wash you down with a simple sip of wine
And toast my glass to all my loved ones
To let them know that the stars oh they still shine
---
Ever wonder why the Saints in Acts 14:11-12 refers to Paul and Barnabus as Jupiter and Mercurius (Roman God's)? Well...
The "lime tree" the song refers to is that in the story of Baucis and Philemon. In short, Zeus and Hermes are testing a city. They dress as peasants, go down and ask the residents of the city for a place to stay. Only the elderly humble couple of Baucis and Philemon let them in. As a reward, they are given their wish to live together forever, being turned at death into intertwining trees, one being of oak, the other a lime tree.
To get what we want in life --i.e an eternal companion-- we need to be humble enough to open our door to those in need.
Hebrews 13:2 paraphrased "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it."
Acts 14:11-12 is the ecstatic reception received less than two generations after Ovid's publication of the tale by Paul of Tarsus and Barnabas: "The crowds shouted 'The gods have come down to us in human form!' Barnabas they called Jupiter (Zeus), and Paul they called Mercurius (Hermes)".
In other words, I want to be that kind of person who is always ready to serve, like Thomas S. Monson. He has lived a life a service, and that's always been number one to him!
I want to always have my door open. I want to be Christlike. I want to be ready for that certain someone to recognize that the door is open for her, too! This is my preparation towards that.
So I've been hiding in the lime tree, before actually deserving to be there, having thought I was already there! I have preparations to make. I need to be better, and much more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and to the ministering of angels about me. Its time for me to come out of my hiding place, from behind the shadows of uncertainty. Its time for me to let my light shine.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -- Nelson Mandela
It's time to shine...
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